Toyota Alphard Review: Ultimate Luxury Ride for Auckland’s Elite Pets

✨ “I bought a minivan, but I lost the person I was supposed to take care of for a lifetime…”
Racing to her place in the Alpha at midnight, the backseat filled with her favorite sunflowers, but the double happiness character on the window seemed to mock me. Crouched in the captain’s seat, I finished my last Hongtashan cigarette, and the Rolls-Royce wedding convoy rumbled past—she said the next life is too uncertain, better to sell this “mobile bridal suite” to someone who understands pain!

💔 The heartbroken dog’s brutal reason for selling:
1️⃣ The most eye-catching “spare tire car” in all of Auckland
Pearl white body + chrome grille so bright it made the wedding driver stick his head out to curse! She once said, “Did you buy this car to make me have three kids?” Now, the 7 seats are only used to transport empty beer cans, and her hair tie is still stuck in the passenger storage compartment.

2️⃣ Giltrap maintenance VIP treatment
Every service was scheduled for Wednesday (her yoga day)
0 accidents, 0 scratches, more careful than my own fawning
The electric doors opened and closed 367 times, 287 of which were to carry discounted toilet paper from the supermarket for her
3️⃣ Fully equipped “bride evasion system”
The rear privacy glass could block her mother-in-law’s disapproving glances, but even the JBL speakers at full volume couldn’t drown out the emcee shouting “exchange rings.

” I once fantasized about using this car to elope with her, but I couldn’t even catch up with the tail lights of the wedding convoy…
💰 Heartbreak price: NZ$5X,XXX! 70,000 km 🚗 (+ wedding route blacklist)
⚠️ Blood and tears advice:
Don’t drive to Sylvia Park! It will trigger the muscle memory of “shopping for baby supplies with her”
Never turn off the seat heating—it’s warmer than a bachelor’s bed
Comes with a free copy of “Lickdog Self-Rescue Guide,” with the first page inscribed, “Next time, don’t buy an MPV”
📌 Who is the brave soul suitable to take over?

A second-child dad who got the “you’re such a good brother” card / A chauffeur wanting to become a relationship blogger / A collector planning to use the captain’s seats to store mementos of their ex
  The sorrow  of a lickdog  Used cars are more reliable than love
🔥 Comment “take over/polite inquiry” and get a late-night edited video of “The Complete Record of the Failed Alpha Wedding Convoy” 🔥
(Note: The buyer will receive a shortcut navigation to the Auckland Civil Affairs Bureau—this time, I’m switching to licking the boots of a wealthy widow)